I woke up this morning with a hurting heart. I’ve been crying for the past 20 minutes feeling horrible at my choice to intentionally disobey God. I could barely sleep last night, tossing and turning, waking up every couple of hours. My alarm went off at 7:00 a.m. and I was happy the night was over. But, the realization of my actions the day before left me with the biggest conviction I have ever felt.
SmileWithFaith is launching a YouTube Channel in 3 days and although I am very excited there are some feelings of worry. Will people watch these videos? Is there a purpose for this channel? Am I good enough? I found myself focusing more on the questions than the answers, that’s when I realized, it was time to fast. I decided to fast to receive clarity on the direction of SmileWithFaith and if there is purpose in creating a YouTube Channel. But sadly, 3 days into my 4 day fast and I grew weak. My fast was to not eat after 6pm or before noon. On the third day, I found myself with a sandwich on the table and a cup of water after the time I vowed not to eat. As I went to sleep with a full belly and hydrated body, it didn’t take long before the conviction in my heart grew. How can I ask for for direction and expect an answer if I can’t even get through 4 days of fasting? the guilt trip began.
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'” -Matthew 4:4
As I sat in prayer this morning, I was reminded that it is not our ‘good works’ that matter, it is our faith in Jesus that matters. God knew that I would break the fast before I even confessed that I would begin a fast. He knows the heart and the temptations that we face here on earth on a daily basis because He personally dealt with it when He came as Jesus in human form. The enemy plays on our emotions. When we do something wrong, He brings guilt, regret, sorrow, worry, stress and pity. Satan wants us to drown in our tears so that we may be washed away for all of eternity. The Enemy wants for us to focus more on our pain than our peace. Our wrong doing than our Lord and Savior Jesus.
It is okay to feel sad, like me, for our wrong doings. But, it is not okay to stay sad. Give yourself a few minutes to mourn, and than snap out of it and remember your Lord and Savior who has already covered your sins and wrong doing and has made you right in the eyes of The Lord. Repentance is a daily routine, not just a one time fix. Don’t allow the enemy to keep you down when your feeling down. Remember your forgiveness and claim your victory! You are loved by The Most High and there is nothing that you can do to separate God’s love for you! There is literally nothing in all of the world that you could possibly do that will make God love you any less. Although, I failed in my eyes by breaking my fast, I am a winner in God’s eyes for accepting His Grace and Mercy through His son. God no longer sees my sins and judges me for them rather He sees His Perfect Son Jesus who died on the cross so that I may forgiven regardless of my sins. Keep praying, repent and fix your mind on things above.
“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” – 1 John 4:4